I’m not looking for the socially acceptable version, the automatic response, or the “I’m good thanks, how are you?” that rolls off the tongue before we’ve even checked in with ourselves.
Those well-worn responses might keep things polite and flowing, but I worry they’re quietly ruining our ability to communicate honestly, and therefore our ability to solve our problems.
When we gloss over how we’re actually feeling, we bury the truth. And buried feelings don’t disappear, they fester. They show up later as overwhelm, resentment, burnout, anxiety, illness, or that constant sense that something isn’t quite right.
As women, many of us were taught to keep things moving, make sure others are comfortable, not make a fuss. And without meaning to, we can end up modelling this for the generations coming up behind us. We’re even teaching them that honesty is inconvenient, and “fine” is safer than truthful.
I think it’s time we reclaim our greetings, give ourselves permission to answer more honestly, and become role models for real communication, not performative wellness. And perhaps it’s no coincidence that March invites us into exactly these conversations.
So much of this comes back to properly listening. Being believed and feeling able to say, “Actually, I’m not okay”, and having that met with care rather than discomfort.
My hope is that we give ourselves, and each other, a little more space for honesty. Fewer scripts. More truth. Better conversations.