I’m a post-menopause AuDHD woman and I am so bloody angry.
My tolerance has dropped through the floor. Things that I used to be able to brush off now feel unbearable. I’m snapping more easily, holding onto frustration for longer, and feeling this constant simmering rage that I can’t seem to shift. I’m angry at my parents, my children and my husband. I’m angry at Donald Trump and about the state of the world.
There’s this underlying sense that joy has gone missing somewhere, and everything feels heavier, sharper, more irritating. And honestly? Part of me is thinking… what the actual fuck is going on? I feel like I’ve been possessed by something truly unpleasant.
So instead of judging it, or trying to squash it down, I want to take a step back and look at this properly. Because I can’t be the only one feeling this, can I? Let’s take a scientific view, shall we? I like a scientific approach…
- Hormones – the quiet regulators of emotional stability
Even post-menopause, our hormonal landscape doesn’t just “settle and behave”. Hormones don’t disappear – they shift. Oestrogen, progesterone and testosterone are still present, just at lower and more stable levels than during our cycling years. But “more stable” doesn’t mean completely flat. The body is still responding to stress, sleep, nutrition, light exposure, and even other people. There can still be subtle fluctuations, just not in the predictable monthly rhythm we were once used to.
Oestrogen has a regulatory effect on neurotransmitters like serotonin and dopamine, both of which are involved in mood and emotional regulation. When oestrogen remains low, it can show up as:
- increased irritability
- reduced emotional buffering
- a shorter fuse under stress
So, this isn’t about anger appearing out of nowhere, it’s more to do with having less internal capacity to smooth the edges of what you’re feeling.
- The ADHD brain – dopamine and frustration
With ADHD, dopamine doesn’t flow as consistently as it might in a neurotypical brain.
Dopamine supports:
- motivation
- reward processing
- patience
- emotional regulation
When it’s lower or fluctuating, frustration can build quickly. Small things can feel disproportionately difficult, which then feeds irritation. Menopause can influence dopamine pathways too, which adds another layer.
- The autistic nervous system – cumulative overload
There’s often a long history of managing sensory input, social expectations, and masking. Over time, that takes energy. As capacity shifts, tolerance can reduce for:
- noise
- interruptions
- unpredictability
- constant demands
Anger in this context is often a sign that the nervous system is overloaded and no longer able to absorb as much as it once did.
- The lifetime load
You’re not starting from a neutral place. You’re carrying years of responsibility, adaptation, emotional labour and experiences that may not have had space to be processed at the time.
As internal capacity changes, those layers become more noticeable. Anger can surface when there isn’t enough energy left to keep everything contained.
- The external world
There is also the reality of the environment we’re living in. Constant information, social and political tension, exposure to injustice, and a general sense of instability all place a demand on the nervous system. If you are already sensitive to fairness, inconsistency and emotional tone, that impact can be stronger.
So, what is this anger?
Seen through this lens, anger is not random. It carries a message we need to pay attention to.
It can reflect:
- reduced regulation
- increased load
- nervous system strain
- awareness of what no longer feels acceptable
What can help? (in real life, not in theory)
Not in a “fix it all overnight” way, but in a way that supports your system where it is now.
Reducing input where you can
Less news and scrolling, fewer unnecessary demands. Not avoidance, just being selective about what your nervous system is exposed to.
Lowering the baseline load
Looking honestly at what you’re carrying and where something can be eased, delegated or dropped. Even small reductions matter.
Working with your energy
Noticing when your capacity is lower and adjusting expectations accordingly, rather than pushing through and paying for it later.
Clearer boundaries
Saying no earlier and saying less. Allowing space without over-explaining.
Safe outlets for anger
Movement, voice, writing, anything that lets the energy move rather than sit and build (which is how this blog came about!)
Nervous system support
This might be rest, quiet, time alone, sensory regulation or simply stepping out of environments that feel too much.
Connection with the right people
Not everyone. The ones who get it, where you don’t have to mask or explain yourself.
And finally, something important to hold onto
If you find yourself feeling, thinking or saying you’re losing the will to live, that reads as exhaustion, not failure. A system that has been carrying a lot, for a long time, without enough support.
That deserves attention and care. You’re not losing yourself – you’re becoming more aware of what your system can and can’t hold anymore. And that awareness, although uncomfortable, is something you can work with. Gently, steadily, and in a way that supports who you are now.
Photo by Daniil Onischenko on Unsplash